I am leaving, Mother...

He entered.

He immediately summoned the captain of the Bandırma ferry, İsmail Hakkı (Durusu), to his home in Şişli and received information regarding the departure procedure. 

He had told no one.

His sister Makbule had also fulfilled her brother's request.

Mustafa Kemal Pasha was to have dinner with his mother and sister that evening.

Makbule set up a small table on the floor in her room on the upper floor of the house in Şişli, which faced the street, across from her mother's bed. She placed cushions on the floor. Why had her brother done such a thing? Did he have a surprise? For dinner, there was roast with mashed potatoes and spinach with eggs. Mustafa Kemal Pasha arrived, kissed his mother's hand, sat cross-legged at the table, and began to eat. But he was reluctant; after chewing the bites with difficulty, he put down his fork. His mother had been suffering from heart problems for a long time. He looked at his mother; he was very agitated. 

-“My dear mother,” he said, swallowing the sentences he was hesitant to say: 

-“I am leaving. These places, too, could be lost just like Thessaloniki. I will try to save (Istanbul and Anatolia). However, death is also in the cards, as is not returning. Please forgive me.” 

Upon hearing these words, his mother Zübeyde Hanım and his sister Makbule felt as if they had swallowed poison. This was an unexpected blow. Mustafa Kemal Pasha continued his words, albeit with difficulty. His mother was silent. Then he turned to his sister: 

-“You listen to these well, too, Makbuş. If things go bad, do not ever leave here. I repeat. No matter what happens, you will not attempt to set out. If I do not succeed, they will kill you here anyway. In that case, I will surely be dead as well.” 

Upon hearing these words, Zübeyde Hanım's throat went dry, as if her lungs had locked together. At that very moment, she began to be shaken by a severe heart attack. They panicked. They immediately opened the window so she could breathe. Mustafa Kemal took his mother in his arms, carried her to the hallway, and immediately called Dr. Rasim Ferit. He tried to calm and comfort his mother. If the doctor had not arrived in time, his mother could have died that night. 

The doctor arrived, and they treated her. They laid her on her own bed. They ensured she rested.

As dawn broke, Zübeyde Hanım began to recover slightly.

That morning, his lawyer, Sadrettin Ferit Talay, had also come to the house in Şişli. The manager of the Ottoman Bank, Berç Keresteciyan, had heard news from his British friends on the evening of May 14 and had told him the next morning (the morning of May 15). Mustafa Kemal Pasha was to be sunk in the Black Sea. He had even said that it was being debated whether this would be done with a British torpedo or a submarine.

-“You are both a friend and the lawyer of the Pasha. I am warning you,” he had said.

Sadettin Ferit Talay came to his house in Şişli before dawn to inform Mustafa Kemal of this important news. He told him 'do not go.' But Mustafa Kemal Pasha was determined. He did not change his decision.

He did not tell his family or anyone else anything so they would not be afraid.

But he was anxious.

The time for departure had come.

Mustafa Kemal Pasha's farewell to his mother was very sorrowful. They embraced. They kissed. His son Mustafa brought his mother's hands to his lips repeatedly. He embraced her again, kissed her again and again. And one last time, he said to his mother: 

-“Mother, please forgive me.” 

The tears flowing from Zübeyde Hanım's eyes mingled with the prayers she murmured on her lips. And while praying, she clung to her only son's neck.

Because it was unclear whether her son was going to Anatolia or to his death.

Mustafa Kemal Pasha rose from the bed where he was sitting; he was very sad. With tear-filled eyes, he walked out the door. As he was leaving, he stopped at the top of the stairs on the middle floor and said to Makbule: 

-“Why are you looking at me like that, Makbuş?” His sister seemed as if she were holding him to account: 

-“How should I look, brother? What kind of departure is this? Not to war, not for a mission, not by promotion. How should I look?” 

Mustafa Kemal Pasha did not answer. He could not say I am going to my death. He remained silent. He embraced his sister and held her to his chest. Then, he descended the stairs as if running.  

He left the house.

Hüseyin Rauf Bey was waiting for him below. He had come to see him off. But he, too, did not want Mustafa Kemal Pasha to go on this mission with an unknown outcome.

Mustafa Kemal Pasha did not listen to him either. He went to the selamlik at the Sinan Pasha Mosque in Beşiktaş. He was accepted into the presence in the Mahfel and met with the Sultan for the last time. This was a farewell visit.

He went to Princess Şivekar, a friend he visited from time to time. Princess Şivekar lived in Tepebaşı. He wanted to say goodbye to her as well. He went to the princess's house in a hurry. They sat opposite each other on the armchairs in front of the piano. Mustafa Kemal Pasha leaned forward, resting his right hand on his knee, looked at the princess with his blue eyes, and said in a low voice;

-“I have come to say goodbye to you. It has been deemed appropriate for me to go to Anatolia. I have received orders to leave immediately. However, I am not going for the task they (the Sultan and the Prime Minister) want from me, but on the contrary, with the order I received from my conscience, to ignite that great fire of liberation that will be born from the heart of the homeland,” he said.

He said goodbye to her as well.

He went down to the Galata pier. The Bandırma ferry was waiting off the Maiden's Tower. Mustafa Kemal Pasha went to the Bandırma ferry by boat. This departure was no longer an exile.

It was a mission dedicated to the Turkish Nation. 

As soon as he boarded the ferry, he left Istanbul at 17:55.

However, the British stopped them off the Maiden's Tower. The ferry was to be searched. This British control unit in the Bosphorus had all kinds of authority, including the authority to kill. There was someone on the ship who was not on Mustafa Kemal Pasha's list. He was in the position of a fugitive.

Colonel Refet Bele.

Mustafa Kemal Pasha had had his appointment made to the 3rd Corps Command, based in Sivas, on the last day. He had requested that the order be completed on the same day, the evening of May 16, before departure. Refet Bele, who lived in Kalamış, received the order but said that because he loved his horses very much, one day would not be enough to prepare them. When Mustafa Kemal Pasha insisted that he make it in time, he caught the Bandırma ferry at the last moment.

Fortunately, he had managed to hide among the horses and disguise himself in a soldier's uniform.

Mustafa Kemal Pasha thought; so the news was true. They were going to sink the ship in the Black Sea and kill him. He hesitated at first. But staying in Istanbul was death anyway. He went up to the captain's bridge of the ship. The British found nothing. At that moment, Mustafa Kemal said to his friends on the deck:

-“They rely only on iron, steel, and the power of weapons like this. The only thing they know is matter! They cannot understand the power of those who have decided to die for the sake of freedom. We are not taking weapons or ammunition to Anatolia; we are taking ideals and faith!” he said.

After the search was over, he called the captain and gave the following order urgently;

 -“To the Black Sea with all your speed.”

The Bandırma ferry took off with speed as if rearing up. The Bosphorus was crossed in a short time. The cage had been opened; he was now free. They had laughed in those days, but as he had told his fellow officers in Thessaloniki since 1908, the wish he expressed, “One day I will take control of Turkey's destiny,” was now coming true. He had not gone to Samsun to ensure public order, but to take control of the country's destiny. While he was the Military Attaché in Sofia, he had written the same sentences to Madam Hilda Kristiyanus with the same determination;

“One day I will take control of Turkey's destiny.”

-Source; “The IMMORTAL TURKS Who Founded the Republic”

Ilgaz Kitap