NATO for world peace!

In the past, they used to ask contestants in beauty pageants: What do you want for the world and humanity? The answer was cliché: 'World peace, an end to hunger!' How lovely! 

They formed a similar ball of affection at the NATO summit. They want to keep Iran out. Yet, we are so close to world peace. 

NATO was established against the 'threat of communism.' The USSR collapsed from within. Russia took every step to integrate with the world. The union was dismantled, and a transition to a liberal economy was made. 

When one becomes a NATO member, war between members is prevented. The only problem: Article 5. When a non-member country attacks a NATO member, NATO can take joint action. 

We finally have a practical solution. Since NATO is expanding, let's keep expanding it. Let's include both Russia and Ukraine. After all, if both are NATO, there won't be a fight. 

They say a NATO country does not establish a base on the territory of another NATO country against a third NATO member. Thus, we can establish peace immediately. Let's expand it even further. 

Iran fought with Iraq. The US and UK finished off Iraq. Let's take both Iraq and Iran into NATO. Then both India and China. How nice, isn't it? And this way, China would also abandon 'socialism.' It is already holding onto the edge of the red flag anyway. It would be completely rid of it. 

Let's expand it even further. Let's take Israel and Palestine in together. 

Liberal democratic friends might be concerned about this idea. Let's voice their concerns: 'But these countries are not democratic.' You are very right, my liberal friends. But our proposal could also eliminate this problem. As you know, once a country becomes a NATO member, restless soldiers can bring democracy. One morning, they can suddenly roll out the tanks, fly the planes, overthrow tyrannical regimes, and establish a 'hard junta' for a few years, followed by a sunny, bright democracy. Their children will do what is necessary. 

Just imagine... We have taken Russia into NATO. One morning, democracy has suddenly arrived in Red Square. 

Just imagine... We have taken Israel into NATO. A president who has had a heart attack. 

Just imagine... We have taken Iran into NATO. The soldiers of a snotty imam have bombed Tehran. 

Moreover, NATO membership has fringe benefits. You hold meetings from time to time. The roads are paved, the streets are cleaned, and giant billboards are hung in front of construction sites. 

NATO is needed by every country. Just imagine... We have taken Venezuela into NATO. There is no need for cross-border operations either. Venezuelan judges will do what is necessary. There will be no need to kidnap the head of state. 

But NATO has one tiny flaw. One morning, a chick might hatch from the egg. It might even dismantle NATO.