I just said "Hello"...

It was 2021. Everything happened on a summer day on the coast of the Aegean Sea, where my mother-in-law has a vacation home and where we spend our summers. After dinner, I decided to go for my usual evening walk. The neighbors across the street had guests, and one of them came out to the street to smoke. He was a man of about 40. We made eye contact, and I greeted him. I said, "Hello." He did not respond. I told myself, "Maybe he didn't hear me," and continued on my way. The next day, the same story. I said, "Hello." I saw very clearly that he looked at me for a long time but did not respond. I walked around that evening with my mind full of different thoughts.

On the third day, I decided to conduct an experiment. If he wasn't responding to me, it meant there was a problem I wasn't aware of. What do you think he answered? Even on the third day, he did not respond to my "Hello." When I entered the house, my mother-in-law was kneading dough. I told her what had been happening for about 3 days and asked for an explanation. With thoughtful eyes and a very meaningful smile, she asked her husband—my father-in-law—to explain this incident to me, and at that moment, I experienced one of those shocks I didn't even know I could experience while living in Turkey.

This was a delayed shock. After living in Turkey for eight years, I was experiencing this just when I thought nothing could surprise or shock me anymore. But it had happened. That evening, I learned that many Turkish men do not greet women they do not know, or even those they do know, because they believe that greeting a woman is not right or appropriate, or that it is not looked upon favorably. Some men even think that women who greet them are women who are easily approachable or can be easily "picked up." I would like to point out that the person who did not greet me did not know I was a foreigner. So, he had this attitude toward every woman.

The issue here is not the principle of equality, but rather the disregard for a woman's right to exist and her freedom to behave civilly in society. It is about the imposition of male authority over women. A woman is not seen as a being with whom one can have a conversation on equal footing. My goal is not to offend or criticize anyone. I understand that there are cultural differences that every foreigner must accept or discuss. This incident caused me to ask myself and others many questions. What is happening in Turkey? Why are we in a period where there are no boundaries to communication, where we are more connected to each other than ever in the online environment, yet in our daily lives, we are so disconnected and still driven by such prejudices? Why does a woman still have to prove that she is not a sex object or a doll that can be sold, beaten, attacked, or killed? Why does a woman still have to prove that she is a human being and that she possesses rights and freedoms?

I know and understand that this is a multi-component problem linked to the education a child receives in the family, culture, religious beliefs, and traditions. I learned that 40-50 years ago, many Turkish girls were told to look down (at the ground) while walking on the street, not to smile, and worse, not to laugh out loud. When many Turkish women were asked, "How many children do you have?" if they had 4 daughters and 1 son, they would answer, "Only one child." They would only count the boys.

I tried to understand what those mothers felt, but the only thing I felt in my soul/heart was an indescribable, great pain. I also know many idioms such as "Not every cloud brings rain, not every woman gives birth to a boy," or "Let her who gives birth to a boy boast, let her who gives birth to a girl grieve," and I think these are already anachronistic and should not be repeated. In more rural areas, 40-50 years ago, women would walk a step or two behind men while walking on the street. In places where the feudal structure was active, women were not allowed to go out on the street. Because this was considered a great shame and a great sin! Even if a woman held a professional title (governor, teacher, manager, etc.), she would still be addressed with the male title "Bey."

You may not be able to touch a woman, you may not be able to shake her hand when you meet her, but why do you not greet her even if eye contact is made? I still cannot understand this. True. I grew up in a country with a different culture and religion. My mother used to tell me that polite and educated people greet others. She would say, "Even if you don't know that person, always have a smile on your face." However, I realized that I cannot always apply my mother's advice in Turkey. I am now aware that I need to be careful about who I say "Hello" to, or even who I smile at.

While such incidents still occur in Turkey, and while I choose who to say "Hello" to and who not to, I inevitably think of Atatürk and his courage to implement revolutionary reforms a century ago. Granting women the right to vote in Turkish society, recognizing equal rights with men, introducing Western dress codes, and giving women the right to be active and visible in the public sphere were just a few of these reforms. But a hundred years later, in the 100th year of the Republic, I understand that there is still much work to be done in this regard. Atatürk was a visionary. He understood that change/development in a society starts with women.

Because it is the woman who will educate/raise the children, the woman who says "Hello" or cannot say it.