Hey Economists, Has Eid al-Adha Arrived Without Us Knowing?

Even my 100-year-old grandmother, as soon as the pension day arrives for the money left behind by my grandfather—an enforcement officer born in 1920 who passed away 20 years ago—calls out to me excitedly: “Nizaaam, come to the kitchen, Nizaaam, come to the kitchen.” Since she can't remember my name, she calls me by the name of my late uncle, who was a physics teacher.

When I ask, “What’s the matter, Grandma?”, she immediately asks, “What interest rate is the bank giving?”

Inflation, KKM (FX-protected deposit accounts), economic crisis, interest rates, foreign currency, gold, the stock market……

Lately, we have been overwhelmed by hearing these words.

We can neither sleep nor wake up.

Our entire public has become well-versed in economic jargon, thank God.

With over 600 thousand followers on Twitter, Prof. Steve Hanke is also waiting in the wings.

“I fixed Bulgaria and Romania; if you tip me, I’ll fix you too,” the cunning economist advises.

Fine, we understand Hanke; he’s a reputable man. But what about you economists who say everything after it has already happened and just repeat what everyone already knows, what is wrong with you?

You’ve taken the butcher’s knife in your hands and are constantly reciting prayers.

Every economist has started a YouTube channel, and like a main news anchor such as Reha Muhtar, they are attacking from left and right, selling advice.

They circle the country like hyenas, wondering if they might get a share.

They list the causes of the crisis and write treatment prescriptions.

Dear friends,

Writing as someone who has taken ECON 101 Introduction to Economics.

YouTube economists cannot save us from this crisis.

If YouTube economists were that smart, wouldn’t they have saved themselves first?

Let them continue their chatter on OnlyFans channels.

Only the implementation of “Engineering Principles” can save us from crises.

That means reducing unit costs by increasing the production of “basic materials” and ensuring savings by keeping “expenses” under control.

But some of our half-witted engineers are also in a difficult situation these days because they follow YouTube economists.

When banks assigned an economist manager to all their clients, the production-based engineering brains were also poisoned.

They were convinced by economist bank managers that they could earn money while lying down.

At first, I didn’t really believe it.

How was I going to earn money while lying down?

For 30 years, I had earned money by working, sweating, and grinding away.

However, the care and hospitality I saw when I went to the bank didn’t exactly improve my morals either.

There was such a welcome, attention, and send-off that I felt like Rahmi Koç, acting like a businessman here and there, and I was handing out quite a few tips until I came to my senses.

May it be well-earned for the waiter friends; may they enjoy it.

When there was no one who wouldn't be corrupted by this much care, attention, and interest, I took advantage of a gap I created with the lie that “I have a class at the university” and bought a house with a low-interest, long-term loan.

Meanwhile, the economist bank manager was saying, “Forget funds and such, don’t buy a house, prices will fall,” and talking about the returns of funds.

Anyway, the two-story house I bought turned into a huge palace once the children left home for university education. I expanded the large veranda of my house a little without getting permission from the municipality. Since the neighbor also expanded theirs, no one complained about anyone else.

I had a separate entrance door made for my veranda and the upper floor.

The ground floor is enough for us.

I rented out the veranda for 8 thousand and the upper floor for 12 thousand liras.

The rental income became almost equal to 3 pensions.

Because it is not possible for me to sell my house at its value and buy 2 small houses in its place due to the current economic distress, credit lock, and liquidity problem, I chose the divide-and-rent model.

I have emerged from the crisis, friends; may it be your turn.

The most important criterion in my emerging from the crisis was the statement by Porter, who is listened to very carefully while a student in America, which I took to heart.

Don’t mind me calling him Porter; this man is a professor at Harvard.

He had said, “Profit-Revenue will take care of itself, you focus on expenses.”

In other words, unless we keep our expenses under control, no matter what our income is, crises will never let go of us.

Is it hard?

No.

For example, as a result of the exorbitant hikes in school bus fees, neighbors are taking their children to school in turns through a group they manage on WhatsApp. The total saved expense is 33 thousand times 4 students, which equals 132 thousand Turkish Liras.

Is it little?

No.

Not even 2 years ago, while the cicadas were chirping and playing their instruments, 5 families bought 5 ice cream machines at once.

Even though it was foreign goods, it was cheap.

Or so we thought it was cheap.

Even though I said, “Let’s not buy 5, let’s buy 1, let’s buy it together. This way we divide the cost by 5. Since our houses are side by side anyway, we can produce in turns and eat in the garden,” not only was it not accepted, but I was called stingy and uncouth.

At the point we have reached, we have seen that it was not cheap at all as we thought, indeed.

According to Newton’s Energy-Work and Impulse-Momentum equations, there is no extravagance in this world that goes unpaid.

Someone or some people definitely pay the price for extravagance.

Fortunately, thanks to the crisis, the children are going to school for free with the neighbor-shuttle model.

Returning to the advice of Professor Porter from Harvard, no one gives us, or can give us, unlimited wages because our needs are unlimited.

Because resources are extremely limited.

Even if they were unlimited.

These savage capitalists do not want employees to reach prosperity.

Economically, they don’t want it.

They wouldn’t be able to find cheap labor otherwise.

They think that prosperity was bestowed upon them alone by the God of all four Abrahamic religions.

I am sure that God does not think the way these jerks think, but I cannot explain it to the citizens.

Let that be my shortcoming.

Anyway,

Even though the state-public sector is more affectionate than the private sector, neither the state nor the private sector will pay us enough to “live” anymore.

They will pay “enough not to die.”

After having faith that our income will not increase in real terms, the only thing we can do is control the dopamine hormone.

If we live more minimalist lives instead of big houses, big cars, and expensive clothes, and increase our savings to direct them toward education and goods with economic value, the impact level of crises will be “caressing” rather than “destructive.”

Otherwise, we will listen to more stories of “a heterodox approach representing an ontological and epistemological break from neoclassical economic thought” from YouTube economists while waiting in the municipality’s cheap bread line.

Note: My house is bigger than Chancellor Merkel’s house.