Doing the 'simit' math in a simulation where aliens drink beer!

The 90s were years when songs were produced recklessly in Turkish pop music… 

A mind-boggling song by Fatih Erkoç had become popular: “I’m about to lose it, where is my doctor?” it went…

We are currently in exactly that state of mind. 

How else can what we are experiencing be explained?

For instance, in Turkey, you will now have to ask the government to raise the price of a simit! Just like with bread prices, a 'positive' opinion will have to be obtained from the Ministry of Trade before a price hike can be applied to simit.

In other words, even if costs rise before the election, price hikes have been banned!

The 'simit calculation' is a staple argument for politicians…

President Recep Tayyip Erdoğan, while engaging in politics within the Welfare Party (Refah Partisi) in 1993, had criticized the Tansu Çiller government using the ‘tea-simit’ calculation. At the time, Erdoğan had stated that even if a family of 5 ate only tea and simit for three meals a day, their budget would still show a deficit.

Afterward, all opposition politicians used this calculation as well. Former CHP Chairman Kemal Kılıçdaroğlu criticized Erdoğan’s economic policies using Erdoğan’s own ‘tea-simit’ calculation.

But there will be no such political debate anymore!

Because regardless of what the producer says, the government will decide on simit prices.

No matter how much the price of flour, fuel, or sesame seeds increases; even if the Dollar is 32, the Euro is 35, and the Pound is 41 lira, and costs hit the ceiling, the government will not allow a price hike on simit. 

Why?

Because the ‘tea-simit’ calculation puts governments in a difficult position!

If the producer, who is losing money, gives up on baking simit, there is nothing to be done; we just bid farewell to the simit and that’s that… 

For example, last week, in our economic model where “interest is the cause and inflation is the result,” we were defeated by interest lobbies despite the ‘Nas’ (religious decree)…

Last week, we saw the highest levels in 22 years for deposit and commercial loan interest rates. The average rate for 1-3 month maturity TL deposit interest rose to 53.63 percent last week, an increase of 38 basis points compared to the previous week. 

As if this were not enough, the United Metal-Work Class Research Center (BİSAM) published its ‘Hunger and Poverty Threshold February 2024 Period Report’.

According to the report, the hunger threshold for a family of four exceeded 16 thousand lira, and the poverty threshold exceeded 55 thousand lira.

What was Fatih Erkoç saying; “I’m about to lose it, where is my doctor?” 

Doctors could not be the cure for our economic troubles; at this rate, we will have no choice left but the white coat (psychiatric hospital).

XXX

Another piece of news that graced the newspaper headlines last week was NASA finding beer in space…

“They must have announced this during Ramadan just to be provocative,” there were surely those who got angry…

NASA detected two young protostars named "IRAS 2A" and "IRAS 23385" through the James Webb Space Telescope, the most advanced telescope observing space. 

Stating that the two discovered young protostars are swimming in a "real chemical cocktail," NASA announced that it found beer components within the gas cloud surrounding the protostars.

It’s a young star, as the name suggests. Naturally, their blood is boiling, they’ve fallen for alcohol!

It was determined that molecules of "ethanol," also known as "alcohol," are dense within the gas cloud surrounding these two protostars.

NASA announced that this resembles the formation of our solar system. 

If our solar system was formed from alcohol components, we are all cursed! 

How did I come to that conclusion?

Hadn't İdris Bozkurt, a member of the High Board of Religious Affairs of the Presidency of Religious Affairs (Diyanet), announced last week that those who produce, transport, present, serve, and profit from alcoholic beverages are ‘cursed’?

What if our solar system was formed from alcohol components? Woe to us…

We are waiting for an urgent fatwa on the subject…

We also have other questions. For instance, is being exposed to these components in space also a reason for being cursed?

Are aliens more intoxicated than we are? If we encounter an intoxicated alien, is it a sin to shake their hand?

Can our first Turkish astronaut who went to space, where there is so much alcohol, be considered to have committed a sin unknowingly?

Does Cem Yılmaz, who shared an image of alcohol on his social media account during Ramadan, have any connection to aliens? (After all, didn't he direct the movie G.O.R.A.?)

If we watch Cem Yılmaz’s movies, will we be cursed?

Don't tell me we are not in a simulation.

Because these absurdities don't even happen in movies anymore; they can only be scripted in a computer game…

Besides, didn't the crazy billionaire Elon Musk say, “I have proof. The universe we live in is actually a simulation. We are inside a computer game”?

Now I have at least as much proof as Elon Musk!