Uncontrolled jealousy can lead a relationship to ruin

Pointing out that while jealousy can nourish relationships when experienced in moderation, it can lead to destructive results when it gets out of control, Psychiatrist Dr. Mert Sinan Bingöl said, “Lack of self-confidence, excessive possessiveness, feelings of worthlessness and inadequacy, intense fear of abandonment, social media interactions that have increased in recent years, and inconsistent behaviors of a partner can trigger jealousy.” Emphasizing that uncontrollable jealousy can also lead to problems that escalate to physical violence, Bingöl stated that it is of great importance to build a relationship on the basis of trust and understanding and to seek professional support when necessary.

FACTORS THAT CAN TRIGGER THE FEELING OF JEALOUSY

Jealousy is one of the most complex and primitive emotions in human nature. However, although it is normally felt as an ‘ordinary’ emotion, if it becomes uncontrolled, it can begin to wear down both us and our relationship.

Stating that there can be many reasons for unhealthy jealousy, Bingöl explained, “Especially having a lack of self-confidence, excessive possessiveness of one's partner, not finding oneself beautiful or attractive due to feelings of worthlessness and inadequacy, the misconception that ‘the more I control my partner, the more I reduce the possibility of being cheated on,’ constantly comparing one's own relationship with the relationships of others, or the partner having inconsistent behaviors or showing interest in someone else can trigger jealousy. Furthermore, cultural values, beliefs, and patriarchal discourses can cause jealousy to be experienced more frequently today.”

IF NOT CONTROLLED, IT CAN END THE RELATIONSHIP

Pointing out that possessive, protective, or overly sensitive attitudes in relationships can be mistakenly evaluated as ‘love’ by some partners, Bingöl said, “Especially the presence of clichés in the media such as ‘a person who loves gets jealous, you are either mine or you belong to the grave’ is a serious problem. A person who loves, of course, gets jealous, but this jealousy must be within healthy limits.”

UNHEALTHY JEALOUSY IS A WEARING PROCESS

“It leads to freedom-restricting behaviors such as constantly following one's partner, reading their messages, and checking their social media accounts. The questions ‘Who were you with? Where were you? Why are you late?’ are endless. The intensification and continuation of groundless suspicion and hypersensitivity are clear indicators that jealousy has become a serious mental health problem. When this stage is reached, if precautions are not taken, it can unfortunately also lead to physical violence against the partner.

It is known that most jealousy-related murders do not stem from an actual case of infidelity, but from the person's own suspicions, fears, and delusions; therefore, seeking expert support when necessary should not be neglected. On the other hand, the fact that some femicides are reflected in the media by being normalized under headlines such as ‘jealous spouse, jealous husband, jealous lover’ negatively affects the ways in which jealousy is perceived in our country.”

RELATIONSHIPS MUST BE BUILT ON TRUST AND UNDERSTANDING

“To be able to cope with intense feelings of jealousy, first of all, the existence of this emotion must be recognized and its source must be understood. That is, it must be determined whether it stems from ourselves, our partner, or other people. More open and transparent communication should be established with the partner. The relationship should be built on trust and understanding, not on jealousy and control. The comparison of the current relationship with other relationships should be ended. If the feeling of jealousy has begun to wear down the relationship, seeking expert support can be very beneficial.”