Clinical psychologist warns: 'Report card grades do not determine a child's worth!'

Stating that the report card period is a critical process for children shaped not only by academic success but also by emotional support and proper communication, Specialist Clinical Psychologist İnci Nur Ülkü said, "Parents should focus on the child's effort, not the report card. Grades do not fully reflect a child's potential or personality." Emphasizing that failure should be seen as a developmental experience rather than a personal shortcoming, Ülkü pointed out that when families avoid comparison and criticism and create space for their children's emotions, it strengthens self-esteem and communication in the long run.

WHAT MATTERS IS NOT THE RESULT, BUT THE EFFORT SHOWN BY THE CHILDREN!

Reminding that grades received during the report card period may not always be as expected, Ülkü said, "However, this situation does not determine the worth of children or adolescents."

'EFFORT ALSO DESERVES PRAISE'

Expressing that summer vacation can be an important opportunity to compensate for a poor term, identify learning gaps, and emotionally recover, the expert stated, "The most valuable thing families should focus on during this process is the development and effort in the child. Let us not forget that not only the result but also the effort shown deserves praise."

Children evaluated only through grades may not feel loved!

Pointing out that the report card period is a critical process for many adolescents that affects not only the evaluation of their academic success but also how their families, teachers, and peer groups view them, the psychologist said, "During this period, adolescents may be left alone with thoughts such as 'Am I enough, am I successful, have I disappointed my family?' Especially in adolescents who have a perfectionist structure or are constantly compared to others, feelings of anxiety, shame, and worthlessness may increase."

Emphasizing that it is very important for parents to focus on the child's effort rather than the report card, Ülkü warned, "Grades do not fully reflect a child's potential or personality. A report card is merely the output of a process. How this output was formed, and under what conditions success or failure was experienced, should be evaluated carefully. When parents evaluate their children only through grades, children may not feel they are loved unconditionally. This can lead to a lack of motivation, anxiety, and withdrawal. However, making them feel that you are by their side, understanding them, and creating space for their emotions creates much more long-term effects."

Failure should be seen as a developmental experience, not a personal deficiency!

Noting that instead of labeling expressions like 'you are lazy anyway,' one should use phrases that emphasize transience and focus on effort, such as 'this term might not have gone as you wanted, but it was just one term; we can talk about what we can do for the next term,' Ülkü said, 'Furthermore, reminding the child of their strengths, not limiting success only to academic grades, and emphasizing that failure is not a personal deficiency but a developmental experience helps protect self-esteem.'

To regain motivation, one must first make room for emotions!

Stating that individuals need more external validation during this period and that social comparisons intensify, Ülkü continued her words as follows:

'When success is presented as a measure of value by both family and the environment, adolescents may perceive failure as personal inadequacy when they experience it.'

To regain motivation, one must first make room for emotions. An empathetic approach such as 'I am sorry, it might not have gone as you wanted. Let's evaluate this together' supports the child in recovering. Subsequently, setting goals, breaking them down into manageable steps, and appreciating areas of development other than success contribute to the re-emergence of intrinsic motivation.'

The report card period is an opportunity to strengthen family-child communication...

Pointing out that while communication becomes more supportive in some families during this period, criticism, comparison, and pressure may come to the fore in others, Specialist Clinical Psychologist İnci Nur Ülkü said, 'Children may distance themselves from their families, reduce communication, or experience outbursts of anger when they think their grades are not sufficient. However, this period can also be evaluated as an opportunity to recognize the child's emotional needs and strengthen the relationship.'

Social media can also trigger feelings of inadequacy in children!

Addressing the expressions that families should avoid when talking to their children during the report card period, the expert concluded their remarks as follows:

"The most commonly used phrases such as 'when I was your age...', 'the neighbor's child got such good grades', and 'I tried so hard, is this the result?' create both a sense of comparison and worthlessness. Instead, it is necessary to use constructive and inclusive language such as, 'it was a difficult period for you, we can talk about this together.'"

On the other hand, social media has become a powerful medium that paves the way for individuals, especially during adolescence, to compare themselves with others.

Exaggerated posts about success or humorous belittling related to the report card period can trigger feelings of inadequacy, worthlessness, or shame in some adolescents. For this reason, it is important for families and adults to respect children's privacy and be sensitive in posts made about achievement."

News Source: 12punto