A woman who says 'This is not me' has things to tell...

Imagine a woman...

A woman who has been working, producing, and trying to keep up with her family, her children, and her job for years. After a while, she begins to notice some changes in herself. She cannot sleep like she used to, and she wakes up tired in the mornings. Situations she previously handled with ease now challenge her. She speaks of forgetfulness, joint pain, and her changing body. Sometimes, she sums it all up in a single sentence:

“I wasn't like this before. This is not me.”

This sentence is very important to me.

I spent a significant part of my professional life in a gynecology and obstetrics hospital with a very high patient volume. I examined thousands of women, listened to them, and witnessed their lives. For the last five years, I have been working with women in our own clinic. There is a truth I have seen over the years: Women often put their own health, needs, and the troubles they experience on the back burner. The needs of their families, children, and spouses take priority. When it is their turn, they often accept what they are going through as normal and remain silent.

Today, as a gynecologist and obstetrician, an academic, and also a mother and a woman, what I want to say is this:

Let us listen to women.

Especially if a woman in midlife says that something is changing in her, let us not immediately attribute it to her age, stress, or the natural flow of life.

Because menopause is a natural process. However, it is not right to accept every difficulty experienced during this process as normal and to expect women to endure them.

Moreover, these changes do not begin only with the cessation of periods. During the perimenopause period before menopause, hot flashes, sweating, sleep disturbances, mood swings, menstrual irregularities, memory problems, joint pain, palpitations, irritability, and many other complaints can be seen.

Of course, not every complaint stems from hormonal changes during menopause and perimenopause. Therefore, what is important is to listen carefully to what the woman says, investigate the causes when necessary, and evaluate appropriate treatment options. Because we have effective treatments for many of these complaints.

In this regard, the responsibility falls not only on us physicians but also on spouses, friends, children—in short, everyone around the woman.

When a woman tells us what she is going through, instead of saying “Everyone goes through it,” “You’re old now,” or “Be patient, it will pass,” we must understand what she is trying to tell us.

Because sometimes, women complain more about these problems being ignored than about the problems themselves.

Another important issue is that menopause is still hidden by some women. We encounter women who are hesitant to say they have entered menopause, viewing it as equivalent to aging or the end of their womanhood or sexuality.

Yet, menopause is not the end of womanhood or sexuality.

Vaginal dryness, painful intercourse, and changes in sexual desire are not problems to be ashamed of or hidden. We have different options for treating these.

Similarly, it is not enough to tell a woman who cannot sleep at night due to hot flashes and struggles to focus on her work the next day to just be patient.

Today, we have evidence-based hormonal and non-hormonal treatment options for many complaints associated with menopause. Not every woman may need treatment, and not every treatment may be suitable for everyone. However, women need to be aware of these options.

Moreover, the midlife period is also an important opportunity to evaluate bone, cardiovascular, metabolic, and sexual health, and to prepare for the coming years in a healthier way.

As a physician who has been listening to women for years, I know this: If a woman says in the examination room, “Doctor, I don’t feel like myself anymore,” we must take this sentence seriously.

Women being strong does not mean they should silently endure everything.

Women deserve not only to have their illnesses treated but also to feel good and have their quality of life preserved.

If a woman says “This is not me,” let us listen first.